margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
