Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I met the friendliest cop last night
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
