So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
