I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
