Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Drunk is a universal language darling
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize