those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
