hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
