You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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