I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
