My friends, they love my intelligence
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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