So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
