My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize