The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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