I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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