i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
