hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize