I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
