so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
