I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
