Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
