My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
