Yo dont text me then not text me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
