My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
