I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it glows. i had to have it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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