She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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