I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
