been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love you.
Bad choice
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
