On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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