She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
