My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
