Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
