she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
