i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
