hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
