That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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