You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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