I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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