I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
