If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
