You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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