Got a toothbrush?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The struggles of a small town man whore
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