so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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