sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
