That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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