omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
