you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
