I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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