I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
