I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
