Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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