I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
