She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
