I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
