Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
