He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
