I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
