if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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