I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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