i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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