The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i used baking grease as lip gloss
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
