I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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