Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
