Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
