I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
