Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
