She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
