thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
