what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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