My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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