I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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