so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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