Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
