It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
