y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
