Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
