i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
