Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
